top photo: US Ski Team

words: Tommy Ford

Once the ski season wrapped up, the transition to dry land activities was a long and slow one. While ending the season early was a bit disappointing, my stoke from the last race in Aspen couldn’t be stifled.  With the extra time I didn’t feel the near constant tick tock of the clock for the first time in a while.  (Being in Kenya was heavy dose of summer that quickly started the process of recovery).  Since I smashed my face and tore up my knee in Adelboden I felt a new found fear had taken hold.  Mixed with the fear was a sorrow for the loss of my career, my standings, and my abilities. The fear was the shear fright of having no recollection of the event and being in a unknown position. It was also that I would never be the same.  Not getting back to where I was before would be a failure. 

So I went to work with that dark motivation.  While doing my best to listen to my body and the physical therapists at Rebound Physical therapy, I made it back for the whirl wind of a Beijing Olympics during Covid.  This was my third Olympics and turned out to be one of my more enjoyable Olympics.

Soon after, I decided it was a good idea to split up with a long time partner, Laurenne.  I returned to Bend, moved back into my parents house, finished the season and felt like this was a the summer to get back to strength.  After spending the summer in Park City and training with the boyz, I was excited to get back skiing.  Started off with a bang in Sölden. With aspiration to share the journey of being a tech skier, River and I started a film project.  Shinbang, you may have heard of it. Needless to say, we got through one release and I had to pull the plug.

Turns out, while I had decent physical strength, my mental armature was barely in tact. The toll the break up had on me was not always apparent and not to mention the rapid decline of my seventy year old mother to early on set Alzeihmers disease. Due to old habits, I did my best to stuff the pain deep down and focus on ski racing. Sure I had some decent results and remained in the top twenty five at the end of the season, but I could barely bring myself to get in the gate for World Cup Finals. The subtle gestures of (XXX)Zubo and Kilde and the patience of my team helped me get through that last race. I didn’t enjoy much of that season. It was full of shame, fear, doubt and pain. The support of my current partner, my mental coach, Bernard and that of my team was far and away the reason I was able to ski as well as I did.

In the spring of 2023 I sought out more psychological help. With my mom’s situation worsening and some solid resources in Park City, I moved into the guest accommodation of a long time supporter. I went to work learning, relearning and establishing new habits. Most of all, I began to soften and allow for the those buried feelings to bubble to the surface. It felt like I was building the mental infrastructure I needed to be a whole being once again. 

 

This last season had moments of ups and downs, but the main difference was that I had more mental plasticity. The mindfulness skills we cultivated in the summer were working. My heart still ached from the end of a relationship, my mom rarely recognized me, my results left more to be desired, and both my knees hurt, yet I was not paralyzed by despair.

Aspen, ignited an old flame that has been stoked ever since. With the extra time this spring, I did as I pleased. Like took a trip to Kenya and soaked it all in.  Eventually, I built out a tendon strength protocol based on the guidance I have been given over the years. For the first time in a while a trust in myself began to take place. This was reinforced by free skiing at Mt Bahdelor, climbing some of the Cascade volcanoes, and rock climbing at Smith Rock. Oh yeah, the fact that my body was feeling better was encouraging. 

With May’s flowers, love, acceptance and sadness my Dad, brother and I loved mom into Memory care. 

June seemed to drift by in the flow of consistent training, recovering and playing. 

July is often the “last” month of summer for our team. I found myself in London watching Wimbledon, pretending to be local and seeing old friends. The moody weather of the English summer was welcomed in my eyes. It may have caused some rain delays in tennis, but cooler temps were welcomed while I continued training. The month finished off with some over due social reunions with friends from all seasons of life. 

The cocoon that was enshrouded upon me as a result of the crash in Adelbdoen has begun to lack the integrity to impose this metamorphosis. As if these written words confirm this emergence I feel free and at peace to begin this on snow season with an easy and solid foundation. 

This was written on the final flight into New Zealand.  Be sure to tune back in to hear about New Zealand. Thank you for your unwavering support. The faith my sponsor’s have placed in me only strengthens my hunger. I feel lucky to be able to pursue such a path as this. Peace and love.